A Diplomatic Mission for Suna’s Akasuna no Sasori
by BoREdom mAnIFEsT
Summary: Mission Description: Babysit the Tsuchikage’s eightyearold son for the next two days.Mission Objective: Buy the kid lots of candy and entertain him so he can tell daddy all about his fun day. Teen!Sasori, Kid!Deidara, SasoDei, fluff, no longer oneshot.
1. Meeting

Disclaimer: I don't own. Or else Sasori would still be alive but nooooo...

Warnings: SasoDei, yaoi, fluff, some bad words because... yeah. and OOC-ness

A/N: I'm playing with the time and crap here, okay? Because otherwise it wouldn't work. I know it's impossible but this is fanfiction... Besides, Kakashi's dad killed Sasori's dad so Sasori would be about the same age as Kakashi... never mind... I will update that one other story... Eventually. Really.

--

A Diplomatic Mission for Suna's one and only Akasuna no Sasori 

--

By BoREdom mAnIFEst

--

A clear, pretty blue eye lined in kohl peered out from behind a wall in the Kazekage's tower. Deidara Katsuhiko, age eight and son of the Tsuchikage, grinned at the sight of his fallen babysitter, a Suna Chuunin who had been taken down by a myriad of prank toys. Giggling to himself, he snuck away from the crime scene as his weapons of choice disappeared in a 'BOOM' of low power explosive clay.

--

"Akasuna no Sasori-sama, your mission objective is to escort Iwagakure's representative around Suna while the Tsuchikage is conferencing with your father, the Kazekage. It is an A-rank mission because of its; thus far, high failure rate. Please make sure that he enjoys himself because he will be reporting to the Kazekage. Remember, this is very important for our alliance, Sasori-sama. And only you can do this!" The ninja reported to the half-awake, red-haired boy.

Akasuna no Sasori, age fourteen and son of the Second Kazekage yawned and glared at the Jounin, sending him scuttling. The ANBU captain groaned and stretched, cracking his neck. He shot one last venomous glance at the ninja.

"Do you know," He began, "How late up I was last night because of a _stupid_ mission? It's only eleven in the morning." Sasori said darkly, squinting against the bright light that streamed into his room.

The poor, stupid Jounin continued babbling, "B-but, Sasori-sama! This mission is _truly_ important! The alliance-"

The Kazekage's son frowned, "I just mean that this better not be a stupid mission. I have had quite enough of hunting down Fire Country tigers in heat that are pets of stupid old women. Where am I meeting this representative?" he asked, pulling on a white tank top over a dark brown one. Stepping into a pair of baggy, ripped, jeans, he ran a comb through his unruly morning hair.

"Sir, I hardly think that is appropriate-"

"Shut up, it'll do." Came the muffled response from a sleep-deprived teenager, rubbing his face dry with a towel.

He threw the towel onto his bed, "So c'mon, tell me where I'm meeting the person."

"Last I checked… I do believe he's right outside your door. Let me go get him."

The nameless Jounin who shall remain nameless, stepped into the hallway of the apartment complex where the unusual teenager insisted on living. Searching for the representative, he turned his head this way and that, blinking in confusion when he came across nobody.

Unfortunately, that was not the case as a downpour of water decided to obey gravity and fell on the hapless Jounin's head, thoroughly soaking the man. The water was soon followed by a little flock of clay hummingbirds, made of very low-level explosive clay.

"Katsu."

And thus, the story of the brave Jounin came to a halt when the birds exploded, resulting in a tremor throughout the apartment complex and the Jounin dropping to the floor, out cold.

The redhead frowned when a layer of fine white dust came shaking down from his plaster ceiling. The noise followed soon and he leapt from his breakfast of cereal. Seeing the prone form of the Jounin, a quick, "What the-" was uttered before a blonde ball of sugar high and hyperactivity was dropped upon poor Sasori's head.

"Woah, that didn't hurt as much as I expected, un! Geeze, I need to work on my concentration… two jutsu's and sticking to the ceiling at the same time is really hard!!" The blonde finally took notice of his twitching cushion and the sopping wet one.

The sopping wet cushion uttered "K-Katsuhiko-sama". However, it was not allowed a chance to finish as the twitching one exploded.

"WHAT THE HELL, YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRL?!?!" Sasori screamed as the little blonde stood up and dusted non-existent dirt off his blue shorts and white shirt. He pouted at the fuming teenager.

"I'm a boy, un. Get it right!" he said, frowning up at the tall ANBU captain.

Sasori blinked. He re-observed the kid. Long blonde hair in a ponytail, delicate features, big blue eyes with eyeliner, short, yep the kid was definitely a girl. He sneered, "Don't lie to yourself, kid. As much fun as it might be to you to pretend you're a boy, you're definitely a girl."

"I'm a boy. I stand up when I pee. My daddy says I'm a boy. So I'm a boy, un." The blonde said, firmly.

"No, you're not. You have long, pretty hair. You have big eyes and you look like a girl. Your body is all skinny and crap. Trust me kid, you're a girl." Sasori retorted. "Why am I even arguing with you? Have you seen a representative from Iwagakure around here? I'm supposed to escort him."

The eyes of the blonde boy-girl widened. "You're my new babysitter? AWESOME!! My name's Deidara Katsuhiko, my daddy is the Tsuchikage and you're supposed to be Akasuna no Sasori and you're going to play with me while my daddy is talking with your daddy about important stuff and you're going to buy me candy and talk to me and show me around Suna the whole time you're here because I'm not allowed to knock you out and never want to baby sit me again or else daddy will be mad and I won't get dessert and did you know you're my tenth babysitter since one this morning, un?!?"

Sasori stared. And opened his mouth. And closed it. And repeated. A good minute later, he spoke.

"D-d-did you even breathe during that?" he stuttered out, acting very un-Sasori-like.

"Nope, un!" Deidara chirped cheerfully.

Snapping out of his stupor, Sasori frowned and lightly smacked the blonde on the back of his head. "Don't lie to me, kid. There's no way you're the 'representative' from Iwagakure. They wouldn't send a brat like you. And stop with the un's!"

Deidara pouted as little tears leaked out of the corner of his visible eye.

"That hurt, un!" he whined. "And I'm not lying!"

"I-it's true, Sasori-sama…" groaned out the forgotten Jounin.

--

Mission Description: Escort Iwagakure's representative for the duration of his stay.

Mission Objective: Make the representative appreciate Suna so the Tsuchikage gets a good report.

In Sasori's eyes:

Mission Description: Baby-sit the Tsuchikage's eight-year-old son for the next two days.

Mission Objective: Buy the kid lots of candy and entertain him so he can tell daddy all about his fun day.

--

"No. Freaking. Way. THIS SUCKS!" Sasori shouted, almost crying at having been stuck with another stupid mission.

--

--

"So… what do you want to do?" Sasori asked Deidara, thinking that whoever said that this kid didn't have ADHD was obviously stupid, blind, deaf, and every other disability that came to his mind.

The little blonde smiled sweetly up at the teenager. "I wanna go to a park."

Sasori sighed, and decided to go with it. He was supposed to training right now but no…

The two continued on in silence when Deidara decided to shatter the peaceful quiet.

"Hey, hey, Mr. Babysitter, let's play a Twenty Questions, un! But a modified version where you have to answer the whole question with a complete answer, un!"

Sasori grimaced at the nickname, "For one thing, my name is Sasori. Sa-so-ri. It's not a long and difficult name like Deidara so remember it. For another, I preferred walking in quiet." He looked back to the Tsuchikage's son. Deidara appeared to be talking to himself with the mouths on his hands.

"I'll start, okay Mr. Babysitter? Do you have a girlfriend?" asked the little boy.

Sasori choked on the water he was drinking.

"What the hell? You think shinobi have _time_ for things like boyfriends and girlfriends? No, I do not have a girlfriend but I'll thank you all the same for keeping your inquisitive little nose out of my personal affairs!"

Deidara merely gave the teenager another cute smile. "Okay, that's good, Mr. Babysitter! I would be sad if you had a girlfriend 'cause I like you, un! It's your turn."

Sasori raised an eyebrow at his little confession/outburst.

"Alright…" he drawled, "So tell me, kid, what kind of Kekkei Genkai do you posses that requires you having mouths on your hands?"

Deidara launched into a detailed and lengthy explanation of his exploding clay and the reason for the mouths on his hands.

"And the I make everything go 'BOOM'!!!!!!" He shouted excitedly. Finished with his explanation he grinned at Sasori. "So, Mr. Babysitter, how much more of me do you think you can handle, un? This is usually the part where my other babysitters start asking to be re-assigned to another mission, ya know."

Sasori massaged his temple, "I have no idea…" He muttered to himself. "Hey look, kid, isn't that a park. Let's go on the swings, I'll even push you." _Just please shut up!_

--

"So that's her? The one that's monopolizing Sasori-sama's free day?"

"Yes. I don't like her. She's too cute. Sasori-sama could unknowingly fall into her deadly trap."

"Alright then. Let's have her deported out of Suna in the hour."

--

Sasori looked at the time on his wristwatch. Almost twelve. He looked at the little, girly blonde haired boy who was sliding down a slide. He jumped off his swing and walked over to Deidara.

"Hey, Deidara-chan. Are you hungry?" he asked.

Deidara, who had finally managed to get Sasori to say his name instead of 'kid', contemplated this question. He tilted his head and blinked his big blue eyes, biting his lip as he wondered whether or not he was hungry.

Sasori smiled slightly at the expression, finding it almost cute. "Well?"

"I'm hungry, un! Where are we eating, Sasori-danna?" He asked, bouncing up.

Sasori's smile widened a fraction of a centimeter at the new nickname. They had been playing freeze tag with some other kids at the park and only Sasori was never tagged. Deidara proclaimed him a master at the game and soon had everyone calling Sasori 'Sasori-danna.'

"What do you want, for lunch?" he replied.

Deidara's eyes gleamed for a moment, almost worrying Sasori. Then it was gone and replaced with a bright smile.

"I want sushi, and soba, and ramen, and onigiri, and mochi, and ice cream, and candy, and okonomiyaki, and manju, and the ice with syrup, and a drumstick, and red bean soup, and rock candy, and gyouza, and edamame, and green tea, and yakitori!!" Deidara listed.

Sasori nearly had a heart attack.

"U-um. Sure. Why not. Let's go." He stuttered, not wanting to think about the financial dent this would cause him.

--

"She made Sasori-sama smile!! Smile! That little slut is going down! Down, down, down!"

"Sure. Okay, they're moving. They're on the street. Initiate operation."

--

Sasori was very confused when he saw the sparsely populated street suddenly occupied by several people. A bit more than several, in actuality. Try a few hundred.

"Sasori-sama, Sasori-sama! Look over here!"

"Sasori-sama, won't you sign this for me?"

"Sasori-sama, I LOVE YOU!!"

"Let me have your babies, Sasori-sama!"

Sasori frowned and glared at the crowd of adoring fan girls.

"Hell no. Come on, Deidara, let's go." He reached for his charge, intending to grab hold of the bubbly blonde so he wouldn't lose him when he found that said blonde was nowhere in reach. The redhead began to search almost frantically.

"Deidara! Where the hell are you, you little brat?" he shouted, struggling away from the crowd of groping hands. Only to find that the one he was searching for was being carried away by a set of groping hands.

"Sasori-danna! The baa-chan is being mean to me! Sa-"

Cue Sasori acting even more out of character than before when he saw 'his' kid being carried away and disappearing.

"Get off me. Now." He threatened darkly to the crowd. They froze at the cold, angry tone. Quieting down, they began to back off slowly.

"Good. Now. _Where did you take him?_" Sasori asked, his aura giving off murderous waves. Suddenly, he was really living up to his reputation as the best ANBU Assassination Squad captain in the history of Suna and the Kazekage's deadly son.

"W-w-who, Sasori-sama?" asked a quivering teenage girl. His hand shot out, wrapping around her throat.

"The blonde kid. _The_ _Tsuchikage's son. Who I was escorting as part of a diplomatic mission._" Sasori bit out, murderous intent oozing out of every syllable.

The purple haired girl gasped and fought for air as murmurings went through the crowd of women.

"Sh-she's in the c-closet of the T-t-tateishi Flower shop!" was the choked out reply. Sasori dropped her. The girl reached out, "Please Sasori-sama, we didn't know! Don't tell your father!"

Sasori directed one last cold glare at her, "Deidara is boy." And ran off towards the flower shop.

_Don't be hurt. Be okay. Please be okay!_

--

Deidara sat on one of the boxes in the closet, kicking his feet back and forth while grinning like a maniac.

"Hey, Mr. Person that's out there? I'm boooooorrreeed, un!!" he whined. "And this stupid closet is daaaaaaaark, un!"

No response.

But Deidara didn't really care at this point. The little blonde's smile grew wider.

Ah, waiting period's up, un! But where's Sasori-danna? If he's not here when I get out, who'll pay for the damages, un?

"You know, you can't really do this to me, un! I have… um… DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY, UN!" He called out. He continued on, swinging his legs back and forth, "I'm the Tsuchikage's kid, ya know! So if Iwagakure decides to crush Suna into a pulp, it'll be aaaaall. Your. Fault. For diplomatic inhospitality!"

His other, usually covered eye, glinted as it looked down on his creation, five dozen tiny clay spiders, no larger than a tenth of an inch that was the remainder of his explosive clay. He grinned and made the Ram seal, infusing them with his charka and he sent them crawling out from under the door.

The artificial eye watched as he carefully positioned each of the spiders on the outside of the door, ignoring the commotion outside the closet, in the shop.

"Katsu, un!"

**KA-BOOOOOOM!**

Oops, that must've been B2 clay, not B1. Oh well.

--

Sasori released the owner of the flower shop when he heard an explosion.

"Deidara!" he shouted, running towards the explosion.

"Sasori-danna!" A skinny, blonde figure ran towards him, leaping onto him.

"I missed you, un! They were mean and they shoved me into this dark closet and yelled at me and gave me a boo-boo!" Deidara cried, pointing to the bruise on his face. And it was true, they had screamed at him for 'getting too close to Sasori-sama' and slapped him. It pissed Deidara off. Normally, he would have just waited for someone, namely his babysitter, to come get him but this time… he was going to milk it for all it was worth and get the stupid women in trouble.

Of course, Deidara knew he was being childish and taking advantage of his, thus far, favorite babysitter but he was the son of the Tsuchikage and expected to be treated as much.

Sasori, meanwhile, only hugged Deidara closer to himself. Putting him down, Sasori began his 'lecture'.

"Deidara, don't go around blowing thins up. Because you're my responsibility, I have to pay for the damage you caused. So next time, why don't you just send a clay bird to me or something?"

Deidara pouted, "It's fun-er to blow 'em up. They go BOOM!!!" he shouted, waving his arms around. Sasori smiled slightly and tugged a bit of pretty blonde hair.

"Well, after all that excitement, I think I'm hungry and would like lunch. Don't you agree?"

Deidara nodded in excitement then began to skip, running straight into a shelf full of sharp corners. Knocked back, he fell onto his bottom and sat there, rubbing his knee as tears gathered in his eyes.

Sasori sighed and offered a hand to Deidara, who took it. The eight year old suddenly directed sparkling puppy eyes at the older boy. Sasori twitched.

"What's with that look, you brat? You can't- it was your own fault-" Sasori struggled with the look he was receiving.

_Must. Not. Give. In!_

"P-please, Saso-danna? M-my knee hurts and-and…" Little tears were leaking out of those sparkling sapphire eyes.

Sasori groaned, caving in. "Fine. But only until we get a bandage for your knee." He picked up Deidara and settled him on his back. Deidara cheered and wrapped his arms around the embarrassed teenager.

"Arigatou, Saso-danna!"

--

--

Sasori was not in a good mood. That little brat had indeed ordered everything he wanted… Then he ate a little bit of everything he had ordered and left Sasori to eat the rest. Except for the sweet things. He ate all of those himself.

Looking at his sadly deflated wallet, Sasori slumped. Only to find a little hand that had snuck into his. Deidara smiled cheerfully at Sasori, "No worries Sasori-danna! I'll make sure you don't spend another ryou on me, okay? Alright! Let's go look at the vendors at the festival!"

_He says I won't spend another ryou on him then decides to o shopping…_ Sasori thought tiredly.

"Sasori-danna! Look, un! They're selling pretty animal things here!" Deidara shouted, pulling away from his babysitter and running to the stall. Sasori walked over as well and looked at them. The merchandise was fairly well made…

"Mr. Person, I want this one and this one, un!" Came Deidara's voice, pulling Sasori from his thoughts. Sasori saw Deidara standing on tiptoe, holding up a bird earring and a scorpion earring.

"That's 1,000 ryou, kid." Came the gruff voice. The little blonde fished out a few bills and pushed the money over the counter then ran over to Sasori who was watching the exchange in amusement.

"Here, Sasori-danna! This one's for you!" Deidara chirped, handing Sasori the scorpion earring. "'Cause your name means 'scorpion', right?"

Sasori smirked, "Right."

Deidara smiled sunnily before bouncing away towards a stall that sold shaved ice, charming two out of the lady and giving the orange flavored one to Sasori, keeping the cherry for himself.

Finally, the two had gotten free smoothies, hats, rings for every finger and toe, air brush tattoos, face paintings, goldfish, and plushie animals from the games. Sasori now resembled a (female) kabuki actor and Deidara looked like a zombie. Albeit a very smiley zombie with blonde hair.

"Wow, Mr. Tsuchikage's Son! You look very scary like that!" commented one of the women they had gotten a freebie from. Deidara had declared that he was the Tsuchikage's son and one day, he'd be better than his dad at her stall.

"I like your new look, Sasori-sama!" shouted another vendor. The two had finished their 'shopping' and were now just wandering around.

Deidara tugged on Sasori's hand so he looked down at the blonde boy.

"See, I told you it looked good, Sasori-danna!"

The ANBU captain shrugged, "If you say so."

"I know so, un!" boasted the little ninja.

Another smile began to tug at the corners of Sasori's mouth. _I seem to have been smiling more lately. Interesting._

"Deidara, do you mind if we go visit that puppet stall for a moment? I want to see what they have." Sasori asked quietly as he tugged his charge toward the stall.

"Sasori-danna likes puppets? I never knew that!" Deidara exclaimed, as he skipped towards the stall.

"Don't be stupid, brat. There's lots of things you don't know about me." Sasori replied, following at a leisurely pace. They reached the stall where Sasori engaged the owner in conversation about puppets that could be used in battle. Deidara merely observed and played with a clown puppet, making it fight with a princess puppet.

Sasori was finally ready to go and motioned toward Deidara.

"Ah, wait a moment, Sasori-danna!" the blonde hurriedly paid for the discounted hand puppets and chased after the redheaded teenager.

--

"Hey, Sasori-danna, I wanna go look at that stall, un." The little ninja said, pointing at a stall where a woman was making pottery.

Sasori raised an eyebrow, "Okay. Let's go. Are you going to buy anything?"

"Umm… I might buy some clay…" Deidara never answered and instead ran to the stall. By the time Sasori had gotten there, Deidara had already made three… things. The closest description Sasori had for them were 'Voodoo Dolls'.

He picked one up, trying not to ruin anything.

"These are good, Deidara. Nice. Are you going to fire them?" He asked the little blonde.

Said little blonde shook his head and with a mischievous smile on his face, he took one… And smashed it. Giggling, his blue eye shined up at Sasori.

"Squashing them is more fun. Not as fun as making them go BOOM but still pretty fun." He commented lightly as he went back to his other project, a deformed bird in progress. The tip of his tongue poked out between a pair of pink lips as Deidara concentrated.

A good ten minutes later, Deidara sighed and squished the bird thing back into a lump.

"Why'd you do that, Deidara? It looked good to me." Sasori said, trying to make the pouting blonde feel better.

"I didn't like it." He replied to Sasori's question. Deidara stood up and wiped his hands on his smock, "Hey, um, Tanaka-san, I'll buy a pound of this clay and another pound of the red river clay, un."

The pottery vendor gave an old creaky smile as she bagged the clay and Deidara paid for it, the full price for once. As they walked away, Sasori took the initiative and began talking.

"I have to wonder… You like art, don't you? And you consider your clay sculptures art, don't you? But what good is art if it's not eternal? Your art is so temporary and fleeting, one barely has time to even enjoy its beauty." Sasori began.

Deidara appeared to think about this question for a while the turned to Sasori and smiled sweetly, "Why don't we find a good spot to watch the fireworks first, un? 'Cause I'd like to ask Sasori-danna the same thing and the fireworks will start soon."

--

--

"I think," The little blonde began, "That when something is fleeting, then a body will miss it all the more and when they miss it, then they learn to truly treasure it because otherwise, it's existence will be taken for granted. How about you, Sasori-danna? Why do you think art is better when it's eternal?"

Sasori lay down on the rooftop, warmed by the sun's rays during the day. Deidara sat next to him, hugging his legs as he stared out towards the dimming sky.

"Art… Is more beautiful when it is eternal. Because you know that it won't change. When something is eternal, it rises above all things mortal and it has a power and beauty that can't be comprehended by human limits." Sasori explained.

"Sasori-danna, you have a story behind your reasoning, don't you?" Deidara asked softly, his eyes watching the colorful explosions in the night air.

Sasori closed his eyes, his face impassive. Opening them he uttered, "Yeah. I do."

Deidara scooted closer and entwined his finger with Sasori's. The older boy noted vaguely at how the younger's hands were soft and small.

"Won't Sasori-danna tell me?"

--

--

"The Kazekage is not my real father and I am not his real son. I'm merely adopted, partly because my grandmother is influential like that but also because his wife is incapable of bearing a child. And at the time, I was the most appropriate candidate for the Kazekage's son of all the orphans during that time."

"My parents were killed in the previous Great Ninja War during a sabotage mission. I have lived with my grandmother since then."

"Everyday, I am a shinobi and I am surrounded by death and carnage. I have lost many precious people to death and mortality."

"Some days, I wish that a moment was eternal and could last forever. A perfect moment where my life isn't changing like the points in a game of Go, where one wrong decision could get me killed. Some days, I wish that people could last forever so that every time I go out to battle, I won't have to worry about someone dying."

"My grandmother is getting old. My adopted father nearly died during his last mission. My adopted mother _is_ dead from a sandstorm. Even I will die someday. But I don't want that I want everything to last forever in a perfect moment so that I will never have to burn another body. I never again want to tell a mother that her daughter is dead or a wife that she is a widow."

"I am only fourteen. But I feel as though I have lived a thousand years. I wish I could go back to fourteen and be fourteen for the rest of eternity. And that is how my thinking reflects on art."

--

--

The eight-year-old boy tightened his hold on the teenager's hand and looked at him. The redhead was still staring at the explosions of light and sound. Deidara's other hand moved Sasori's bangs from his face and the little blonde leaned over and quickly gave Sasori a peck on the forehead, smiling when the teenager gave him a slightly shocked expression.

"My turn, un."

--

--

"Alright. Okay, see, most people wouldn't bring their kids with them on diplomatic visits. But my daddy does 'cause he's afraid I'll get killed like Mommy did. Mommy died when I was five so it'd be three years ago."

"Mommy was a ninja almost as good as Daddy so I never saw her a lot because she was always on missions. But I remember when she was around; Mommy was always nice to me. Me, her, and Daddy would always go do something fun when she was home. Another thing I remember was that she couldn't cook at all. Daddy always had to do the cooking."

"I always took her presence for granted like, I knew that she was on a mission and she wasn't there but she always sent letters and she always came back. And I would always think, 'Oh yeah, Mommy's gone right now but she'll send me a letter and a present soon. And she's coming back too so oh well."

"But one day, I decided to go find her because I was mad at my dad and I wanted Mommy. So I went out. I was hiding in a tree and I was going to surprise her. But it was the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Mommy was on a B-class mission. In the report, there was nothing about S-class ninjas. But there were S-class ninjas waiting. Mommy and her entire squad got killed in front of me. And I couldn't do anything to stop it. All I could do was hide in the tree until the traitors were gone. Then I just ran home as fast as I could to tell Daddy."

"Now that she's gone, I treasure my memories of her all the more."

"I took her for granted and she died. I took my dad for granted too, until a few months ago. My dad has a disease. It's dissolving him from the inside out. He has maybe a few years to live if he takes his medicine and does what the doctor tells him to do. He says he'd rather spend time with me which is why I came along."

"And that's why I think art is better when its existence is limited. Because when it's gone, you'll remember it as something so much more beautiful."

--

--

After Deidara finished, Sasori sat up and pulled him into his lap where tears and kohl soaked into his shirt. He wrapped his arms around the blonde, rocking lightly. Sasori hugged him tightly and continued this way for a bit longer until the fireworks ended.

"Hey, I think we'll have to agree to disagree on the whole art thing." Sasori murmured, cradling Deidara in his arms as they walked home. He looked down at the blonde who was fast asleep, his hair messy and the kohl around his eyes smeared. He smiled softly at the sleeping form and slipped into the blonde kid's guest bedroom.

Sasori bought a wet cloth and cleaned off the make-up. Tucking Deidara into bed, he turned off the lights and made to leave when a little hand grabbed onto the hem of his shirt.

"Nnn, Saso-danna… stay, un…"

"Okay."

-e-n-d-

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End Note: I might do a few continuations of this with their life later on, them joining Akatsuki and Sasori's death, so on. Review and tell me if you want to see more.

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	2. Missing

A/N: I had fun writing this chapter. Sorry for the wait. I'm really not helping the Akatsuki image...

Warning: Slashy goodness, OOC Itachi and Sasori, a pedophilic Orochimaru... and Deidara.

Disclaimer: Orochimaru is currently being held in my closet, bound and gagged. If Kishimoto-sensei wants him back, then he'll have to trade the rights to Naruto. But I'm assuming he doesn't want Oro-kun back seeing as how the dude -beeped out for spoilers- Oh well. My brother always did want a life-size Naruto figurine.

--

I Missed You, Danna.

--

_It was raining again. How annoying, un. _The blonde teenager reflected as he stared at the sky. _It feels like lately… All Iwagakure has to offer is rain. There's no mom, no dad, no Sasori-danna._

_All right. Let's go find them, un. I'm sick of this pseudo-Amegakure._

--

--

Akasuna no Sasori had a permanent frowning expression glued to his face.

He had left Suna two years ago, joined Akatsuki a week later and was partnered to this…. thing two days after. He supposed the thing had a name but really. It didn't deserve one. Why?

Because it was ugly. And it had stupid ideas about art. And it was hitting on Itachi Uchiha right now. And it was the reason as to why said Uchiha was glaring at its partner and asking for the redhead to put the thing on a leash.

"Orochimaru. Get off of Itachi. Or else he'll go Mangekyou Sharingan on your ass and as hilarious as that would be, I can't afford the hindrance." Sasori snapped at the it.

The 'it', whose name was Orochimaru, took another look at the fifteen-year-old mass murderer and decided to follow his partner's advice for once. He did as he was told and watched jealously as the prodigy gave him one last glare and at next to his partner on the couch where they flipped through the channels, Jan Ken Pon-ing each other for control over the remote.

--

"You little shit! You can't use your Sharingan at Jan Ken Pon! Cheater!" Sasori shouted at Itachi, acting extremely childish for once.

"I'm not cheating, I'm being resourceful!" Itachi retorted as he yanked the remote out of Sasori's grasp, thus ensuing a remote war.

The other members of Akatsuki, well, the ones who weren't sulking or out greeting the new recruits, watched in amusement.

Or at least, that was the plan until the alarm went off. Leader bzzt-ed into existence.

"Zetsu, report. Who are the intruders and which village are they from?" He asked briskly as the rest of Akatsuki assembled behind the two.

"Actually…" started Zetsu's white half.

"There's one intruder, girly looking, blonde, flying on a bird, about eighteen or nineteen, has an artificial eye. He took out the seals with explosives that seem to be able to move. He has mouths on both hands and is preparing to explode the main entrance. He appears to hail from Iwagakure." Finished the black half.

Sasori cursed very colorfully.

--

"Um… What was it that Sasori-danna said that one time? Oh yeah-" Deidara started only to be cut off by…

"Don't go around blowing things up. Because you're my responsibility, I have to pay for the damage you caused. So next time, why don't you just send a clay bird to me or something?" Sasori finished, stepping out of the rock dust.

"Sasori-danna!" Deidara yelped. He jumped off the clay bird onto the water as it exploded behind him. The rest of Akatsuki winced when it blew up a few trees and rocks. Zetsu looked scandalized. However, the blonde teenager and the red-haired puppet master ignored this.

"Deidara, if you remember, why do you still insist on going around blowing things up?" Sasori asked as he walked slower to the blonde, carefully skirting a floating, burnt tree branch.

Deidara Katsuhiko, age eighteen, grinned at the twenty-four-year-old. "I was afraid that after two years of never seeing me, you might forget what I looked like so I decided to jumpstart your memory with a bang, un!"

Indeed, although they hadn't seen each other face-to-face, they had exchanged letters on occasion.

Sasori walked over to his friend of ten years and stood beside him as the rest of the Akatsuki slowly advanced closer. Dangerous S-class criminals they may be, not a single one of them had bodies meant to be exploded.

"Sasori, would you like to introduce us?" Leader asked stiffly, trying not to look at the bit of clay Deidara was toying with.

Sasori opened his mouth to speak when…

"I'm Deidara Katsuhiko, un!! I'm from Iwagakure and I'm the third Tsuchikage's son. Therefore, I'm a boy. But he's been dead for six years now so I don't know as much as you guys might want me to know, un. I like sweet things and things that go BOOM!!! Oh, and Sasori-danna. That's why I'm here, un! I decided that I didn't like Iwagakure anymore because they only thing it had was rain and rain is boring." Deidara chirped.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Okay… Kakuzu, why don't you get an application for Katsuhiko-san? Meanwhile, why don't we go somewhere more… secluded?" Leader asked, his voice becoming increasingly more strained. But poor Leader didn't realize that this was only the beginning of Deidara's antics. And neither did he realize that Deidara was only the first of three other psychopaths who would join the ranks of Akatsuki but never act like a member of Akatsuki was expected to act.

--

Sasori sat next to Deidara on the couch where the blonde was crouched over a form and scribbling hastily.

"Hey, Danna? What do I write for 'Strange Habits'?" Deidara asked, poking Sasori in the ribs with a pen to get the redhead's attention. "Because… like, what if I don't have any, un?"

Sasori stared in disbelief.

"Um… Deidara, you _do_ have strange habits. You have weird habit of tacking an 'un' at the end of all your sentences. And when anybody gives you more than a tablespoonful of sugar, you become hyperactive. And you have those nights when you just refuse to sleep. And you have an obsession with your hair. And wherever you go, a mess of clay follows. And you have a somewhat violent addiction to sugar and caffeine." Sasori listed.

Deidara pouted, "Those don't count, un!"

"You also like prank toys and you have a tendency of being overly-friendly with people to the point that they would like to kill you." Sasori continued. "You have an obsession with cooking. You wear your emotions on your sleeves. You complain on a daily basis and you are a talented actor who will use a cute face and crocodile tears to get your way. You fold your underwear and you insist on using orange mint toothpaste because no other flavor will do."

The eighteen year old crossed his arms, "Those aren't habits, they're preferences!"

"The mouths on your hands eat clay. You give strange if not disturbingly accurate nicknames to people. You can eat talk and breathe at the same-"

"Okay, I get it Sasori-danna!" Deidara shouted. After another ten minutes of scribbling, the blonde nin was done. He fell back and laid himself down, half on the couch, half on Sasori's lap with a tired huff. The older man looked down and Deidara waved the papers in his face.

"What do I do with these, un? Do I give them to Mr. Person Without A Face or do I give it to Mr. Tentacle Things?" he asked, referring to Leader and Kakuzu respectively.

Sasori began toying with Deidara's hair, a habit that had developed ten years ago and despite two years of not playing with the golden locks the habit still hadn't broken.

"You keep them until Leader calls you for your first test." He replied absently, his fingers running through the hair.

"Yeah? Okay then, Danna…" Deidara was asleep in seconds. And the rest of the Akatsuki immediately surrounded Sasori. Itachi sat next to the older man on the couch's armrest while Kisame, Orochimaru, Kakuzu, and Zetsu popped up from behind the couch.

"I give him a week." Kisame announced.

"He won't even make it in." Orochimaru said.

"Hn, you're both wrong, he'll last as long as Sasori is here." Itachi said, clicking his tongue against his teeth.

Kakuzu put in his two cents; "I say that Itachi's right so if we win then you guys give us twice the amount."

Zetsu commented last, "I think… He'll last even after Sasori leaves. Leader likes him."

Sasori frowned, "Do I get to place a bet?"

The five replied at once, "No, you cheat."

Deidara lazily opened his visible eye and yawned, "Sasori-danna wouldn't cheat…un." He mumbled before shifting and cuddling closer to the redhead.

The other five ninjas stared at Deidara in awe. No one got that close to Sasori and lived to tell the tale.

--

--

"So you didn't really do anything to get yourself labeled as missing nin other than packing your stuff and saying goodbye to the gate guards?" Leader asked Deidara in disbelief.

The eighteen-year-old smiled cheerfully, "Yep, you got that right, un! A week ago, I decided I was sick of Iwagakure because it's a boring place so I decided to find Sasori-danna. I kinda found him a few days ago when I saw him coming here, un."

"Sasori didn't tell you anything? You didn't know about the organization, its location or anything until a few days ago?" Leader questioned sharply.

"No sir, Leader sir, un. I found it out by spying… I hope you don't mind, un. I mean, me and Sasori-danna exchanged letters but it's always about some of the randomest things, like jutsu's I've learned, his new puppets, weather, food and just some of the stuff we talk about."

"Stuff you talk about?" Leader questioned lightly.

"Yeah, family, events in our background trading jokes and insults. Hey you wanna know one? The first time I met Sasori-danna, he was fourteen, an ANBU captain, and had just been assigned an A-class mission. Baby-sit eight-year-old me. Apparently it had a high fatality and failure rate but I swear to Jashin-sama that I never killed any of them… They kinda kicked the bucket a few days later from trauma and stuff." Deidara replied, staring at some random point to the right of Leader's head, as though reminiscing.

Leader stared.

"Well. Let's continue, shall we?"

--

--

Deidara bounced back into the main room where the six missing-nin were watching some movie. He raised a fine gold eyebrow and picked up the case of the DVD.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone 

"… Orochimaru, did you, at any point in time, shave your head bald and fuse yourself to the back of some idiot's head?" Itachi asked in a strangely detached voice.

Orochimaru was busy gaping at the television screen from the floor.

"Hey… Mr. Leader Person told me to tell you that he needed to see you all in the um… Sealing room. Really quickly for something, un." Deidara said, faltering here and there when the Akatsuki made reactions to what was happening in the movie.

"POTTER IS SO DAMN STUPID!" Kisame shrieked suddenly, sending aforementioned wizard a glare of death.

Deidara frowned but decided that he had relayed his message now and shrugged. He made his way around the Akatsuki members who stared entranced at the screen and sat down on Sasori, seeing as how Kisame and Itachi occupied the surrounding seats. He found himself instantly enfolded in Sasori's arms. The blonde leaned back into Sasori's chest as the scenes of the movie played in his crystal blue eye.

Sasori leaned in close to the other male whose body, he noted was still built like a girl's. Never mind that this gave the little blonde an advantage when the opponent underestimated the eighteen-year-old. Settling all five feet six inches of the blonde ball of hyperactivity onto his lap, Sasori tucked a piece of gold hair behind Deidara's ear.

"So how did it go?" he asked as one hand trailed through the blonde hair and the other held the teenager.

"It was okay, un. Mr. Person seemed a bit scared here and there but I think I'll get to stay. Mr. Person liked the stories about us. Like our first meeting and stuff, un. Oh, and that time with the fair when the lady thought I was your girlfriend." Deidara whispered back, as the movie was still going on. Unfortunately, a certain Uchiha was sitting next to them and just happened to have a very good auditory memory.

"You didn't. Dei-chan, please tell me you didn't." Sasori whispered, horrified. Deidara smiled, turned and gave Sasori a kiss on the cheek.

"Okay's then, I'll tell you I didn't and lie outright." He replied, grinning cheekily before turning back to the screen.

Sasori tied the braid in Deidara's hair off in revenge.

Then there was silence.

"YOU STUPID IDIOTS!! I TOLD YOU TO GO TO THE SEALING ROOM IMMEDIATELY!" Came Leader's booming voice over the intercom.

Kisame twisted around, searching for the origin of the voice then yelled in the general direction of the speaker, "NO YOU DIDN'T!!" he screamed, much like a teenager whining at his father.

Itachi jammed an elbow into Kisame's ribs. "Yes, he did through Deidara-san. But you people were busy watching the television and didn't notice."

Kakuzu sighed, "Itachi-kun, if you knew, why didn't you inform us?"

Itachi shrugged, "I figured if Deidara-san, who is very loud, couldn't get your attention, then it was unlikely I could. Besides, I wanted to see the end of the movie."

"GET MOVING!" was blared from the speakers. Akatsuki was gone in a flash with only poor Deidara, the sofa, the television, a bowl of popcorn and a few movies in the cavernous room.

But not before one of Orochimaru's hands trailed through Deidara's hair.

The blonde teenager's aura grew murderous but found no one in the room. He made his way to the stack of movies instead.

_Monty Python and the Holy Grail_ was the movie Deidara picked up.

--

--

"Welcome to Akatsuki, Deidara Katsuhiko. From this day forth, you shall wear the ring of Seiryuu on your right index finger. However… we have a little initiation test for you to complete first." Leader said.

Deidara tilted his head in question.

"Defeat or fight an Akatsuki member to a draw. You may choose your opponent." Was the reply before Leader bzzt-ed out of existence.

Deidara immediately pointed to Orochimaru.

"Hey Mr. Snake Thing!! Get down here, I want to fight you, un!"

--

--

"Begin." Hissed Zetsu who stood before the two. He quickly melted into the ground and reappeared on the statue's right pinky finger.

Deidara initiated the battle and threw a poisonous smoke bomb at the snake, using the brief moment he had to jump on to a clay bird.

Orochimaru summoned a snake quickly and blasted the smoke away, before rising into the air as well. He began making seals and summoned his sword. The snake's head followed the bird as they circled each other.

The Sannin threw multiple shuriken and kunai at the blonde who dodged them easily. Deidara noted the letter bombs on the weapons and quickly created an explosion to counter the other explosion. Clay birds soon flew in at the snake and the blonde followed, missing its gaping mouth by less than a meter. In the instant he flew past, more bombs were thrown into the giant summons's mouth.

The black haired man on the snake's head used the moment to wrap his impossibly long tongue around the bird and ripped it in half. The giant snake's tail slammed Deidara into a cave wall. However, in the moment of contact, the teenager had plastered explosive clay on the tongue and fell from the wall, only to land on another bird that had been prepared in advance but not after dropping a good twenty feet.

Grinning like a maniac, with adrenaline pumping through his body in copious amounts, Deidara exploded the clay in the snake and on his opponent's tongue, an insane glint taking place in his eye when they both fell. His mechanical eye gleamed a murderous red when he began making more and more bombs, targeting them at Orochimaru. A mad giggle escaped when he heard curses floating out through the smoke.

Ignoring the passive stares of his audience, the blonde flew in to get the snake man and beat him up more. Sadly, Orochimaru wasn't going to just take this lying down as another summoning shot towards Deidara, managing to gouge a nice hole in his side with a venomous fang. The artist's eyes narrowed and his hands flew through a series of seals. He slammed his palm into the floor as the snake ate the bird, turning the floor into quicksand and made a homing bird to move on.

The fifty-some-year-old cursed when he recognized the technique and quickly blasted the entire floor with a fire technique, turning it all into glass. Summoning another snake when his second one was blasted into pieces again. He summarized his injuries quickly; some minor scrapes and burns on his arms, singed hair and a large blast wound in his side.

Deidara scowled when he realized his opponent was still alive and kicking. The snake's venom was starting to take hold so he needed to finish this quickly. He shoved his hands into the pouches full of clay as the bird dodged attacks. The blonde gleefully charged both hand/mouthfuls of clay with C3 chakra. But he quickly threw more pre-made explosives, knowing that they were laden with rock shards.

The Sannin glared darkly at his opponent. He knew perfectly well that he was weaker than anyone in the Akatsuki thus far but he was still a Sannin and he would. Not. Be. Beaten. So easily. Nothing for it then.

_Kuchiyose no Jutsu!_

Thousands of white snakes were summoned, their poison fouling the air. Kisame created a barrier for himself and Itachi, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Sasori, and Leader's aide threw up barriers themselves to protect from the poisonous fumes.

Deidara noted this and threw the first bomb, the voodoo like figure. It expanded to huge proportions and Deidara flew safely up to a better altitude.

"Katsu."

**KA-BOOOOM!**

The entire cave shook and despite this, the Akatsuki members remained unperturbed. The white snakes, on the other hand, were not as all of them disintegrated. In the confusion of the smoke and debris, Deidara aimed and threw the small dragon like sculpture at Orochimaru who was riding on the head of his fourth serpent. One that was notably larger than the rest.

The dragon grew to gigantic proportions and wrapped itself around Orochimaru and the snake. The dragon's head stared at Orochimaru, regurgitating thousands of tiny clay fish that drowned the snake-man.

Deidara projected his voice towards the soon-to-be-defeated victim.

"No one, except for Sasori-danna, can touch my hair. KATSU!" he said, the last word being shouted with glee.

Orochimaru cursed his pedophilic inclinations.

The rest of the Akatsuki swore not to ever touch Deidara's hair. Except for Sasori. Sasori only smiled in amusement. Then he ran to catch his wayward charge when he fell off the bird from poisoning.

--

--

Deidara woke to a dimly lit room where he rested on a bed. Black eyes peered at him from above his face.

"He's awake now, Sasori-san." Itachi announced. "His body seems to have neutralized the poisons all on its own and developed an immunity. You have a very useful body, Deidara-san. Also, Leader-sama would like to inform you that you are now an official member of Akatsuki and fully qualified to wear our ring and cloak. For the moment, your partner is to be Kakuzu but it's not official." Said the Uchiha heir.

Deidara nodded and sat up, groaning a bit. He examined his bandaged self and assessed the extent of his injuries. Two ribs were slightly cracked, he had sprained a wrist and of course he also had a hole in his torso.

"Sasori-danna, I do believe that your medical ninjutsu has not improved in the least since the day you attempted to bandage my knee." The blonde teenager said, grinning at his former babysitter. "Itachi-kun did a much better job with my wrist."

Sasori frowned slightly as the black-haired teenager's eyes glittered with amusement. Deidara staggered up, causing Sasori to raise an eyebrow.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked coolly when Deidara winced at the pain in his ribcage.

"Trying to turn into a pink giraffe." Deidara retorted. At Sasori's look, the blonde went to the defensive, "What? Ask a stupid question, expect a stupid answer! I do this all the time when I get hurt; you know it, un!"

Sasori gave an exasperated sigh before walking over; lifting up the newest Akatsuki member like a doll and dropping said blonde back onto the bed. They sat on the bed together and Sasori motioned Itachi over to redo the bandages, which had come loose.

"So… How long was I out, Danna?" Deidara asked, watching Itachi change the slightly bloody bandages.

"About half an hour, give or take a few minutes." Came a voice from the door, one that belonged to a certain blue, shark-like, former Mist nin.

Deidara smiled at the newcomer, "Nice to meet you, Mr. Shark. What's your name, un?"

"Kisame Hoshigaki. Nice to meet you, Blondie." Said the older man who proffered a hand for Deidara to shake. Deidara smiled brightly. Kisame grinned back. He sat down in the empty chair that Sasori had previously occupied, moving it over to Itachi who sat on the headboard of Deidara's new bed and was dangling his bare feet from it.

"So tell me, how come you can get away with doing all this stuff to Sasori when he would turn us into puppets if we do anything of the like?" Kisame asked the invalid.

"You know, Mr. Shark Man," Itachi said with a smirk, "Shouldn't you be asking Sasori-san why Deidara-san can get away with this stuff, not the other way around?"

"Well, I just figured that Blondie here would be more likely to respond than Puppet Dude over here, Mr. Vampire." Kisame shot back.

"As a member of Akatsuki, you should realize that the rule is and always has been 'Quality over Quantity' which is probably what your question would have got us." Itachi snapped.

Thus began a war between a Weasel and a Shark.

Deidara watched in amusement before moving closer to the puppet master, who was also watching the bickering in amusement.

"Hey, Sasori-danna? I missed you, un." Deidara whispered to the puppet master whose hand had once again found its way to the teenager's hair.

"Is that so? I missed you too. Two years is a long time." Replied the puppet master in question. "But I do have a few things I want to talk to you about, Deidara."

Itachi and Kisame caught the look that Sasori was directing towards them and left the room after the Sharingan-wielder had found his shoes again.

The blonde raised an eyebrow at this. And tilted his head to face the former Suna-nin.

"Yeah, Danna?"

--

--

"When the rest of the Akatsuki was called into the conference room, Leader spoke about you and an overall description of your person. After that, we all shared our own opinions of you. Then we had a vote to decide whether or not you would join our ranks and what kind of initiation test you would receive."

"I voted against you joining. And for the initiation, I voted for you to go on a survival mission. A two-week long test that has a failure rate of ninety-eight percent. Kisame and myself are the only ones who have ever survived it."

Deidara had stiffened slightly. Only Sasori, who had long years of practice could recognize it from where he sat, three feet away in a chair that faced the injured blonde's bed.

"I'll explain my actions. For one, yes Deidara, I did miss you. But not so much that I would prefer your death. Akatsuki has a high fatality rate. In the two years I've been here, we've gone through over a hundred new members. Many were talented, sometimes more so than you. I personally have no wish for you to join their ranks. And while I have no doubt in your ability, your luck has always been questionable."

"I voted for the survival training after being out-ruled seven to two on your membership. Kakuzu does not want you as a partner. My plan was, during the survival test, I would make a puppet to resemble you, bring it back as a corpse and convince you to go back to Iwa in the process. You are not yet a missing-nin if you have only been gone for a week and did not kill anyone."

"Finally, I did not want you to join because your partner, for the time being will be Kakuzu. Kakuzu has a violent temper and an obsession with money. He alone is the top reason as for why none of our members have lasted more than a week."

"Deidara, don't be mad at me. I'm sorry if I've done anything to upset you but I did what I thought would be best for you. I have no wish for your death. While I would be deliriously overjoyed if you managed to stay by my side, I would be happier knowing that you were alive than knowing that you were dead from a mission or your partner and I was partly at fault for allowing you into Akatsuki."

The blonde teenager took all of this in passively. He then gave a small, comforting smile to the speaker.

"Danna, what's best for me is you and I don't care if that sounded stupid. Sasori-danna, you don't need to worry about me so much. And if what you say about Kakuzu-san is true, then you won't have to worry about me for very long. I know for a fact that I won't be Kakuzu-san's partner for more than a few days. Akatsuki has an immortal, religious , foul-mouthed zealot on the way and more than likely, he'll be Kakuzu-san's official partner."

Sasori frowned a bit, "Then you won't have a partner."

Deidara smiled mysteriously. "You'll see, Danna."

--

Two hours later

Around dinner time

--

"Deidara-san, Sasori-san, it is dinner time." Itachi said from the other side of the door, informing the clay-user and puppet master who was helping aforementioned blonde unpack and settle into the room. "Also, Sasori-san, Orochimaru is finally awake. He is currently… sulking, for lack of a better term."

Sasori shelved the last of the books and Deidara closed his closet door. The older male pulled open the door where Itachi leaned on the wall, waiting.

The Sharingan-wielder was surprised to see his fellow teenager wearing an ensemble more Akatsuki like. Of course, only certain members wore their cloaks in the hideout, like Zetsu. But Zetsu didn't count because 1)There were no shirts that fit his plant parts and 2)Leader enforced a strict dress code.

Deidara-san, noted the fifteen-year-old, was dressed in a three-quarter length sleeve fishnet shirt, a solid black belly shirt over the fishnet and dark blue standard-Akatsuki pants. However, he imitated the Uchiha heir in the shoes department which was: No Shoes.

In all honesty, Leader only tolerated Itachi's shoeless persona because Itachi had been thirteen when he joined them and Leader knew that as a young teenager, he needed a bit more room on the leash, especially as powerful as he was. Thus, Itachi remained shoeless whenever in the cave. No one else was really allowed to outside of their rooms but seeing as how Leader had not bzzt-ed into existence next to Deidara begun to roast the blonde's bare feet, one could only assume that Leader was making another exception. Or maybe he was preoccupied with the incoming immortal, religious, foul-mouthed zealot.

Probably the latter.

--

--

The dining room for the Akatsuki was a relatively large room with a number of chairs, two medium-sized circular wood tables and a large rectangular wood table. Kisame was already lounging in one of the chairs at the larger round table. Sasori went to join them and Itachi beckoned Deidara to them as well, apparently having found a friend in the other teenager.

"Here, Deidara-san. Sit here, please." Kisame watched in amusement to see his junior partner so friendly and animated as said partner pulled a chair out for the blonde next to himself and Sasori. They were soon talking about explosives.

Kakuzu came over and gave Deidara his blue Seiryuu ring without a word and left just as silently. Deidara almost immediately engaged Itachi in a gossip session about how creepy Kakuzu was. Unfortunately, they weren't exactly quiet and Kakuzu, whose temper had already been whittled at by Orochimaru's sulking, found himself lashing out at his new partner of two hours.

"SHUT YOU STUPID TEENAGERS!" he screamed at said teenagers, deadly black threads shooting towards them both.

Only to be blocked by a Sandaime Kazekage puppet, an unsheathed Samehada and a very, very angry Leader.

"Kakuzu. Come with me. We're going to meet your new partner. He's in the conference room in the attic." Hissed Leader's hologram.

"Hey, Leader-sama, un? Is it Hidan?" Deidara asked timidly. He was graced with a curt nod before Leader bzzt-ed out again. Kakuzu began walking stiffly to the location as Deidara snickered behind a hand. His new friends looked at him, questioning with their eyes.

"It's nothing. But if Kakuzu-san can't stand a day of me, he won't last an hour with Hidan." Deidara laughed, his eyes tearing with mirth. But of course, someone had to come along and ruin the moment.

_Mangekyou Sharingan!_

And thus, Orochimaru was humiliated and tortured by a teenager. Therefore, he left Akatsuki and Deidara filled his spot as Sasori's partner and all was good.

Sort of.

--

"YOU DAMNED PREACHING PLAYBOY ADVOCATE! I'LL SEE HOW MUCH YOUR PRECIOUS JASHIN LOVES YOU WHEN I RIP YOU INTO PIECES!!!!"

"Hidan… at least try to obey to Leader's rule about preaching Jashinism at two in the morning."

--

Review Reply To people I couldn't contact:

too lazy to log in: it's okay, everyone gets lazy once in a while. I'm glad you think it has potential but I wonder if it still does...

Rosi-chan: Yay, I continued it.

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More coming up, yep. Review, please and thank you.

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	3. Hurting Intermission

A/N: A short intermission while I try to write more angst and stuff for he conclusion. I suck at writing angst so drop a line if you have any suggestions, yeah?

Warning: Yaoi, Angst, some bad words...

Disclaimer: I don't own. But I would love to have it as a birthday present.

* * *

--

Hurting Intermission

--

"Deidara, have you seen Sasori or Kisame? They both seem to be missing…" questioned the Uchiha heir as he poked his head into the room of his blonde fellow teenager.

"_Sasori-danna_," began the nineteen-year-old, "Is not here, yeah. He recently decided to accept a solo mission to Tsukigakure even though he _knew_ I had something to talk to him about _before_ he accepted the mission. And of course, he only decides to inform me three hours after the fact, yeah." Deidara vented angrily, waving a piece of paper around.

"So, sorry Itachi-kun. I haven't seen either of them, yeah. But hey, you want some candy?" asked the rogue nin, holding out a piece of chewy candy to the murderer of the Uchiha clan.

Itachi accepted it and popped the blue candy into his mouth before pulling one of Deidara's manga out from a shelf and opening it, flopping onto the cushy rug in his fellow teenager's room.

Moments later Itachi was done and irritated to find that there were no new manga in Deidara's ever-growing collection.

"I'm bored," whined the Uchiha, acting like a child for once. The blonde looked at the black-haired teenager who was rolling around on his rug and promptly burst out laughing.

Itachi scowled up at Deidara who was playing with clay on the bed from his position on the floor and went to the bathroom the blonde shared with Sasori only to find that his entire mouth had been stained blue from his teeth to underneath his tongue. Realizing that the dye from the candy would take quite a while to disappear, he opted to just stay in his friend's room until it was gone.

Re-entering the room after rinsing his mouth Itachi turned a Sharingan-glare at the giggling blonde and seated himself in a large beanbag chair next to the giant stuffed owl Itachi recognized from Deidara's story about the fair, Sasori and the stupid woman who had thought that the blonde was the puppet master's girlfriend.

And thus, and idea sprung from the mention of the old, worn, and loved owl plushie.

"I think you owe me something," Itachi decided. "I want a story. One of _those _stories."

Deidara shot up from his bed where he had been orchestrating a symphony of explosions. "I don't owe you anything, yeah! I let you into my room, gave you information about our wayward partners and let you read my manga."

"You also vented at me, dyed my mouth blue, and laughed at me. My ego was deflated like a popped balloon and you were the needle." Itachi reminded him.

"Well then, because you're making me tell a story, I'm telling you about our first big fallout. It's not happy and if you even drop a hint of a mention of it to Sasori-danna, I'll make sure your tongue gets cut out by yours truly. 'Cause this story to Sasori-danna is the straw that broke the camel's back, yeah?" Deidara lazily leaned back, shutting his eye.

Itachi settled into his tie-dye beanbag chair and hugged the stuffed owl before looking at Deidara intently as he waited for the older male to begin his story.

* * *

Akasuna no Sasori burst into the house of Katsuhiko Deidara where he found his blonde friend sitting among boxes and packing away clothes.

"Deidara! I heard about your father-"

"Hey, danna." A dead voice emanated from the fragile frame of the blonde. "Haven't seen you in what, a month, un? Daddy's funeral was a week ago; you're a bit late."

The redheaded Suna-nin faltered for a moment at the bitter tone then strode to the quivering blonde, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Never again."

"Promise." Demanded the recently orphaned teenager.

"Promise."

Deidara smiled sadly at the older man, "All right, help me pack then, un. I'm moving to a new apartment. I don't need all this room now that Daddy's gone too."

Sasori watched his best friend shuffle around in funeral attire and remembered the look in that singular blue eye. If, at the age of fourteen, Sasori felt he had lived through a thousand years then Deidara, now also fourteen, had lived through millenniums. And the millenniums had not been kind because… there had been a dazed look in that eye, as though the owner wasn't quite… _here._

--

--

Sasori stood before the apartment complex, a few days after their reconciliation. For some reason, there was a feeling emanating from building that wasn't quite right. Pushing it away, he went to Deidara's apartment and opened the door.

"Deidara? Hey, are you here?" called the Suna-nin. He frowned when he heard no response. Frowning, he pulled open the door to the blonde's bedroom only to become more confused when he saw nothing there but a cup of tea. He collected the cup and pulled open the door to the bathroom and saw nobody there either. Proceeding to the guest bedroom, he was greeted with and odd sight.

The blonde stood in the middle of the room, laughing and chattering gleefully to apparently no one. The room was also plastered with papers. The ANBU captain recognized them as seals used to stabilize and maintain a genjutsu. Rust-colored eyes narrowed as they examined the remains of the tea, recognizing them as _Atropa Belladonna_, a hallucinogen that doubled as a poison and was better known to the world as Deadly Nightshade. That would explain Deidara's behavior.

Breaking the illusion, Sasori strode into the room, and tossed the blonde's thin frame over a shoulder, ignoring the insane responses to the hallucinations the Iwa-jounin was giving. They were soon out of the apartment and headed towards Iwa's rehabilitation center.

--

--

_Two weeks. Two weeks. Just two weeks!_ The redhead screamed in his mind. _Only two weeks later and I find him doing the same things!_

Sasori was furious. Mostly at the center for letting Deidara escape but also himself. _What did I do wrong?_

_You weren't there when he needed you… Don't you know? People need people. Or they implode. _

_Implode…_

--

The next time he caught the blonde in a genjutsu, Akasuna no Sasori almost locked the blonde away in a puppet with the intent to keep him there for the rest of eternity.

"DAMMIT DEIDARA, YOU HAVE TO STOP RUNNING FROM REALITY! YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD AND YOU DOING THIS WILL NOT BRING THEM BACK TO LIFE! IT'S NOT HELPING EITHER OF YOU OR MAKING YOU HAPPY!" he yelled at the shaking figure that sat in a chair.

Deidara looked up at Sasori, his bloodshot eye glaring fiercely back at the puppet master. His voice started trembling but it soon took on a cold, deadly tone. "Y-you know what? You- you're wrong! It _is_ helping me because now I'm happier! And when people are happy, then their lives are stable and their minds are _sane_. Right now, my parents are alive and you are a fragment of my imagination!"

Continuing on he spoke quietly in an even and controlled tone, "Did you know? There's a voice in my head. People tell me it's because I'm insane but I don't really care. It's nice to me. When Mommy died, it put me back together so that Daddy could be the glue to hold me together. Then, when Daddy died, it made me happy. It told me how to be happy. It was there for me. But, Sasori-danna, _where were you?_"

Sasori flinched as though he had been slapped and found himself unable to move as the words sunk into him.

Deidara stood and looked at the ground, choking out a barely audible, "I hate you." Before running out.

--

--

Sasori stood in the middle of the little kitchen, frozen numb by the words. It wasn't as though Deidara hadn't expressed distaste for him before; _You're mean, danna! I don't want to play with you! I don't like you!_ But 'I hate you', this was new.

_But really… where was I indeed? I… I was on a mission. One that I could have declined… I was on a mission during the funeral and I came as soon as I read the letter. Which… which was dated the same day I had accepted that mission. I think I… yes, that morning I got my mail but I didn't read Dei's letter. I didn't think it would be anything important…_

Sasori dropped to the ground, his eyes wide with the horror of what he had done finally sinking in.

_I-I… I took him for granted. Because… he's always there. The single constant in my ever-changing life as a shinobi. What have I done?!?!_

And anguished scream shook the apartment.

--

Three hours later

--

Sasori ran through the rain into the old house of the Tsuchikage that was still unoccupied. Running through the long hallways and leaving wet footprints on the dusty wood, he flung open the door to the room of Deidara's mother. There, in the slightly opened closet, was the small frame of the teenager, curled up and shaking as it rocked back and forth, whispering, "This isn't real, this isn't real," creating a mantra of the words.

Sasori watched the broken creature sadly. He knew that Deidara had been a broken person since the death of his mother. Nobody's mind saw their own mother killed without getting a little cracked as a result. Unfortunately, the blonde's mental physique had always been fragile and the result was it breaking into dozens of pieces.

However, Deidara's father had taken the time to stop and fix some pieces into place so when he had met Sasori, he was at least half well. Then Sasori repaired the rest with only a few, healing wounds as the result.

Then Deidara's father died. And when Sasori hadn't been there, Deidara had begun to explode in on himself. His sanity had collapsed entirely. And it was all because nobody had been there to help bear the pressure.

Sasori knelt to the floor, and held the blonde.

"Deidara. My Dei. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." The agonized whisper came from the puppet master who repeated the words over and over, knowing that he should have been there and wasn't. Tears streamed down the beautiful face, only to be wiped away by a pale hand.

"Danna is… crying? Don't cry, Sasori-danna, you're too strong for that," whispered a blank voice, hoarse from overuse. "How did Danna manage to find me? I'm hiding so well," a curious blue eye, with not even a glimmer of sanity, looked up towards the redhead.

"Baka, y-you always come here when you're upset." Sasori's voice was muffled by Deidara's shirt as a hand stroked the golden hair of a recently orphaned teen.

"I'm not a baka." Was the emotionless reply.

--

--

"When my parents died, my biological ones, I mourned them even though I barely knew them. To never experience the unconditional love a mother has for her child or to never know the pride a father has for his first son made me sad and lonely. So when I first learned my puppet jutsu, I took pictures I had and used them to make puppets that had the likeness of my parents."

"With the puppets, I could pretend that they were there, that they were alive and that they could love me. But this happened when I was four and I could only live in this make believe world for all of two minutes. Then my chakra strings would break and I would be torn from my fantasy world."

"But now that I look back, I think I was probably better off accepting that they were dead. Because you see, Dei-chan, as happy as it makes you when the moment exists, when it's gone, you fall somewhere even lower than when you started. And I didn't want that for you."

--

The insane light in Deidara's eye had begun to fade somewhat and the look of betrayal and hurt that had previously been directed toward the puppet master had now lessened considerably. The little blonde teenager took Sasori's face in delicate hands.

"I'm sorry, un. I didn't mean t hurt anyone. And I don't hate you, Sasori-danna. Not at all…" Deidara rested his head on Sasori's shoulder. "So don't hate me please."

"I won't ever hate you, Deidara. I love you, you're my special person." Whispered the older man.

"I love you too, Danna." Was the soft reply.

* * *

End note: Unbelievably terrible. But Itachi liked it and would like it even more if all of you reviewed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	4. Healing

A/N: Oh my God!! It's the last chapter, I'm gonna miss this story!! Thanks for everyone who has read this! I love you all. There's gonna be more stories out soon but they won't really be like this one... as in, they're kinda plotless... Oh well. Sorry to anyone who thinks they've waited too long for this chapter and want to kill me.

Warnings: Sasori's death, more Insane!Deidara, Tobi and a bit of TobiDei at the end, please don't kill me for it! OH, bad words too and this obviously is boyxboy.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, the oly Akatsuki member who would die would be OROCHIMARU!!! I love the rest of them too much. K. Msashi is evil... Killing off the best people...

I also don't own Fall Out Boy's song, 'Thanks For The Memories.'

* * *

-- 

Healing

--

He noticed the rain was starting to slow down. The gleaming blue eye of the twenty-year-old man stared at the sky.

"Deidara-sempai, we really should get going."

"No. Not yet. I'm going to make those bastards wait until they die…yeah."

--

It was just a mission. And it had been easy, capture the jinchuuriki of the ichibi, bring him back alive, extract the demon, seal it then dispose of the body and any rescue parties.

That is, it was easy. Until the last part.

--

"We sit here and wait, yeah?" Deidara asked his partner who sat next to him, hidden in Hiruko, Sasori's favorite puppet.

"Yes…" was the absent reply.

The blonde frowned, "Is there something bothering Danna, yeah?"

"Itachi told me to be careful today, before he left." Replied the puppet master who was watching the entrance carefully.

The teenager shifted on his seat where he sat on the former jinchuuriki. "Then, Danna, you should listen. Itachi can see into the future a bit, you know. Or at least, get vibes from the future."

The hidden man felt a smile flit over his usually expressionless face, "They were emotions. Itachi-kun said that they were your emotions. And they were very upset and chaotic feelings. Therefore, he connected the feelings to me. Although, I believe they could have applied to himself and Kisame or Hidan."

Deidara contemplated this for a moment then gave a soft smile, "I hope all of you are careful today, yeah."

"We'll all be fine. After all, we are Akatsuki." Sasori replied, his attention never leaving the door, "They're here, Deidara."

--

--

He saw the flaming red eyes of the Kyuubi container and had heard of Hatake Kakashi's reputation. He knew all of the attack patterns everyone in this group had except the old woman's.

And he knew what Itachi had been talking about. Or at least, he thought he knew.

"I'll take this one. Seems the Jinchuuriki wants this one back." Rasped Sasori from inside his puppet, using a different voice.

Deidara made his decision.

"Danna, this will probably make you angry but… I'll handle that jinchuuriki, yeah." He said, as though he was being arrogant.

"The assignment is one person per beast… Don't push it, Deidara." Sasori replied, the goal in his mind similar to his partner's.

"But if an artist doesn't inspiration, his sentiments are dulled, Danna," replied the blonde, "Besides, I hear the Kyuubi jinchuuriki is considerably stronger, yeah."

"You call your explosions art? Real art is something that lasts into the future, something eternal." Growled Sasori. They spoke their lines as though reading from a script, memorized perfectly but written by contrasting authors.

"I respect you but the true beauty of art is in its singular, momentary life." Deidara retorted. Somewhere, during their conversation, the subject of their argument had attempted to attack.

"Deidara, you little shit. Are you trying to piss me off?"

"Well then, I was right when I said that it'd probably make you mad, yeah?!"

"My fine art is in my explosives," continued the young Akatsuki member. "Completely different from your little puppet show, yeah."

The older man could only watch in horror as the lure was swallowed by his former charge's figurine. Hiruko's tail lashed out toward the blonde in a last ditch attempt to achieve the puppet master's goal and detain the other man's goal.

_Protect him from the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki._

The blonde watched as the jinchuuriki chased after him, satisfied and sure that his Danna would be safe. There was only so much a girl and an old woman could do to his former babysitter. Hell, Sasori had survived him and that made the man immortal in Deidara's eyes. No one survived him. Only the immortal.

--

--

Zetsu's report made Deidara laugh. Laugh hysterically.

"That was a great joke, Zetsu, yeah. Danna, my danna, dead? The immortal don't die, you schizo freak. Probably a genjutsu. Sasori-danna is probably so embarrassed that he got his ass beaten by his grandmother and a pink-haired girl so he's probably hiding somewhere to lick his wounds and puff up his ego again."

The sad thing was, that Deidara didn't even realize his subconscious accepted Sasori's death and had already started inheriting his danna's traits of foul language and lying to himself.

--

--

"Don't be stupid, Leader-sama. Why the hell would I need a new partner if mine is still alive, yeah?" chortled the blonde as he disappeared from the sealing room after sealing the Nibi with the rest of Akatsuki.

The faces of the criminals were impassive as turmoil boiled underneath the masks of uncaring people. It was not a fun experience to see one of the few constants in their unstable lives crack into thousands of pieces.

--

--

"Deidara-senpai!" shouted an orange swirly mask, wearing and Akatsuki cloak and a ring on his left thumb finger.

The blonde scowled, "What do you think you're doing, wearing you ring on that finger? Sasori-danna wears his ring there, yeah. As Orochimaru's replacement, you're supposed to wear it on your pinky finger, baaaakaaaaa." He reprimanded.

Tobi stiffened as Deidara moved the ring to what the deranged blonde thought was the right finger.

"There, now it's right, yeah." Chirped the blonde, a smug expression on his face.

"Thank you, senpai." Tobi said softly before turning heel and walking away to leave Deidara with an empty Hiruko puppet.

"You know, danna, it might be a good idea to come out of Hiruko once in a while, get some fresh air, you know, yeah?"

Tobi noticed that not once during the exchange had his senpai's facial expression changed.

--

--

"Sasori-danna hasn't talked to me at all this week and he won't come for dinner anymore. Maybe he's sick, yeah? Itachi, do you think you could look at Danna later? His medical ninjutsu sucks and yours is probably the best of everyone here, yeah. Hidan, why don't you come visit me and Sasori-danna sometime? Kisame, you should come too. You know, you guys are really quiet lately, do you guys feel all right, yeah?" bright chatter spilled from a pale, tired face to an empty table.

Sharingan red eyes watched from an obscure corner.

--

--

When Hidan and Kakuzu were killed, there was a mutual, silent agreement with everyone in Akatsuki to not inform the broken little blonde.

"Itachi, I haven't seen Hidan or Kakuzu lately, yeah. Are they on a mission?"

"Yeah. They're on a mission. They probably won't come back for a long, long time, Deidara."

"I miss Hidan. Why isn't Leader giving me and Sasori-danna any missions?"

--

--

Weeks passed. Leader told everyone in Akatsuki to bring Deidara out of his world.

Itachi had already told everyone about the last time Deidara had shattered. Except for Tobi. Tobi hadn't been allowed to hear the story. So only Tobi attempted to help his senpai.

--

--

"Deidara-senpai. Sasori-san is dead. He died half a year ago. Hidan died two months ago. Kakuzu did too."

"Don't be ridiculous, Tobi. Immortal people can't die."

That was the first try.

--

"Look, Deidara-senpai! Hiruko is empty! Sasori-san is dead, his grandmother and the Kyuubi kid's teammate killed him. See, I'm wearing Sasori-san's ring, not Orochimaru's ring. He's dead, Deidara-senpai."

Deidara stared blankly at the person with the orange mask who had split open Hiruko to reveal nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO SAOSRI-DANNA?!?" shrieked the suddenly hysterical blonde. He threw himself at Tobi, attempting to kill him with no more than his skinny malnourished body.

Tobi stood there and let the screaming blonde attempt to pound him with weak, fragile blows.

That was the second try.

--

"Itachi! Tobi killed Sasori-danna! But, Sasori-danna can't die, how did Tobi kill him, he's immortal, Danna can't die if he's immortal, an idiot like Tobi couldn't possibly kill Sasori-danna, where's Sasori-danna, why isn't he here?!" babbled the very much insane Iwa-nin, throwing himself at his friend.

The black haired teenager held the shaking man until he had passed out. Carrying the living skeleton to the infirmary, he began setting up an IV as the rest of the remaining Akatsuki watched on as numerous tubes and needles were inserted into the half dead blonde.

"He's not getting better, is he?" asked Tobi sadly.

The Uchiha looked at the depressed younger man and graced him with a warm, rare smile.

"No, Tobi. He's getting better. Deidara has accepted that Sasori is dead. Thank you."

--

A single, blue eye cracked open to a dimly lit room and found a lone figure sitting in a corner.

"T-tobi?"

The other male rushed over, "Deidara-senpai! How are you feeling?"

"Like shit. Could I have some water?" came the weak whispered request.

Tobi quickly poured water from a pitcher into a cup and helped the blonde sit up to drink it. Finished, he set the cup on a stand and laid the thin body back down on the bed.

"So…" Deidara said, his voice weak from under use, "how long have I been out of it?"

"Two weeks, Deidara-senpai." Tobi answered carefully, knowing full well he was treading on thin ice.

"Oh. I think I'm going to sleep a bit longer, Tobi. Just until I collect my thoughts, yeah?" and with that the older man fell asleep.

"Yeah."

--

The next time he woke up, it was to Kisame who sat in the corner, polishing Samehada. Kisame raised his head, "Three days since you last woke up." He said before Deidara opened his mouth. The blonde nodded mutely and took to staring at the ceiling, listening to his heart monitor beep at a rate slower than he could have thought possible.

Kisame shrugged, knowing the thoughts of the other Akatsuki nin, "You've been in coma. Of course your heart rate will slow to an unimaginable rate. But as long as the beats per minute doesn't fall below forty then you should be fine, or at least that's what Itachi said. Since you're doped up on sedatives right now too."

"How?" was the single word that presented thousands of answers and millions of answers.

"This might take a while. Try to stay awake, alright?" Kisame said, teasing a bit.

"I've only been sleeping for 408 hours, I don't think I can sleep much longer."

--

"For starters, you were in coma because your mind couldn't take the stress anymore. So it shut down to recuperate. Your body hasn't been getting the nutrition it needs either so it went bye-bye as well. It won't ever be perfect, just so you know but if it makes you feel better, there isn't a single person here who's mind is still in perfect condition."

"The stress… was caused by Sasori's death. He died fighting his grandmother and that girl on the Kyuubi kid's team. Stabbed in the heart by two puppets he made in the image of his parents, or so Zetsu says. His grandmother is dead though, died when she used a Tensei ninjutsu to save the ichibi jinchuuriki. The girl is still alive…" Kisame trailed off.

"No, I don't want revenge. I'm sure Sasori-danna had it coming to him, he's made a lot of enemies. This is just the first one strong enough to put him down." Whispered Deidara as tears began to form. He quickly wiped them away.

"Hidan is… well, he's not technically dead but he's incapacitated. He's been blown into a million pieces and buried under rock. Leader said that Hidan is no longer considered a member of Akatsuki."

"After Zetsu told you the news about Sasori's death, you went insane. You accused Tobi of Sasori's death when you saw him with Sasori's ring. Continued for about half a year then you went comatose."

--

The blonde was silent for a while as he slowly absorbed the information, not noticing when Itachi came in and ran off to alert the rest of Akatsuki about his current state. Leader was soon checking Deidara over as well.

"You've been out of commission for over half a year, Deidara. Therefore, you'll need to re-apply to Akatsuki, provided you still want to be a member." Leader got up to leave the room only to pause at the door. "It's good to have you back. We'd like for you to stay."

"I'll think about it."

With a tired sigh, the blonde retreated back to the recesses of his mind where everyone was alive and they were all just… normal people who were just as old as they looked.

--

Deidara wandered through the dry, cracked landscape of his mind and stepped forward to one of the larger crevasses. Warm, comforting darkness reached out and pulled him in. The blue eye closed and he fell, offering no resistance.

"Danna?"

"Hey there, brat."

And there stood his former babysitter, caretaker, partner and the first person to ever take the time to stop, pick him up, put him back together and wait for him.

Padding over to Sasori, he soon found himself surrounded by puppets, greeting and begging him for attention. Deidara smiled at all of them, greeting them as though they were alive and paying special attention to Sasori's parents. Finished, he seated himself on Hiruko, smiling at the soft, kind expression on his Danna's face.

The redhead sat next to the other male on the puppet's back, pulling the slender frame onto his lap as a pair of hands immediately reached for the silken gold locks.

"So how's your life been, Dei-chan?" was how the conversation started, a warm comfortable atmosphere surrounding the two. The man in question gave a tired sigh, snuggling closer to the puppet master.

"As if you don't know, yeah. Same old, same old. People dying, disappearing from your life every day as your sanity is slowly chipped away. Nobody you want to trust or care about but somehow caring anyway. Then when they disappear, it hurts. Because you should known better, known they wouldn't last. Danna," Deidara whispered as he brought his own hands up to entwine with the other man's, "Is there no one left in this broken world who can support a person? We are all so unstable…"

Deidara continued, "Did you know, Sasori-danna? Hidan is immortal but he's gone. Itachi is going blind; that dojutsu he uses is corroding his eyesight. He knows this. I think that one of these days, he might just decide he'd rather die before going blind. So Kisame-kun is worried. If… if Itachi dies, I know Kisame will kill himself. Leader knows this too. He's getting more agitated every day. Zetsu-san is always arguing every day because they're worried about Tobi. Kakuzu is dead. Tobi… he's less talkative, you know? I think it's my fault… And Sasori-danna… You're dead."

"Why'd you go and die, Danna? I need you, yeah."

Sasori had no answer but proceeded to loosen his hands from the blonde's. He replied with another question.

"What happened after I died? As in. what did you do?"

Deidara snickered. "Funny story, really. I broke. Fell on the floor and had people grind me into dust. Then the ichibi came along, reformed me and had Itachi fire me back into me with his Amaterasu. So now I'm made of super glass."

The redhead laid his head on the other man's shoulder, closing his eyes as the dark became a dreary, cold, unwelcoming weight on both their shoulders. "I'm sorry Dei. I'm sorry. I always say I'll be there when you fall but somehow… And in the end, all I can do is apologize."

"Just don't let me fall in the first place, Danna." Was the simple answer.

"But I can't even do that anymore. You know it, too."

Deidara smiled sadly and stood, pulling the puppet master up as well.

"Yeah, I know. But it's enough that you're here right now. And stay here, yeah? Just so you can keep me company one day when everyone's dead and I'm all on my lonesome."

"You know I'm stuck here, Dei." Replied Sasori.

The blonde sighed and stretched as he looked over all the puppets. "I kinda wish Danna had turned himself into a puppet too, yeah… just to ensure he'd stay with me forever 'til the end of time, you know?"

"You don't believe in eternal art."

"Ah, but I believe in an eternal memory of my Sasori-danna." Deidara grinned cheekily before suddenly placing a chaste kiss on Sasori's mouth. When said man raised a fine brow, the clay-user gave a sweet smile in return.

"When I first met Danna, I promised myself that Danna would be my first kiss. And now after a bazillion years of waiting, he is."

Sasori merely pulled the blonde back and pressed his lips against Deidara's again. He drew away and smirked.

"No worries, I've saved my first kiss for you as well. But sorry about the second one, I gave that one away to this pretty blonde boy who has an unhealthy obsession with clay…"

"What?!? B-but Danna!! I wanted to be-"

"My second kiss?" purred Sasori, cupping a hand around Deidara's face. "It's okay, Dei-chan, you can be my third." He slid an arm around the waist of the furiously blushing blonde, drawing him closer.

"N-no, I wasn't going to say that! Wait, hey, I _was_ your-" He never finished.

--

--

Deidara awoke with a start, immediately slapping a hand to his mouth, remembering his encounter with his dead partner.

"DAMMIT, DANNA, YOU _DID NOT_ NEED TO GO AND SAY THAT!!" he screeched, his yell echoing throughout the entire hideout. Leader who had been leaning back in his chair toppled over and if it weren't for his mad ninja skills, he would have broken his neck.

The same went for Itachi who was sleeping on his bed, who could have broken an arm; Kisame who was polishing Samehada and could have lost a his hand; Zetsu who almost fell into a carnivorous plant he was watering which would have eaten him and Tobi who had been sitting on a chair in Deidara's room, neatly falling over and banging his head on the hard concrete floor.

"Deidara-senpai! You're awake?! But, you do know that-" Tobi immediately rushed to the bed, only to have his excited chatter cut short.

"Yes, dammit, I know that Sasori-danna's dead, okay? And yes, I'm awake, thanks for stating the obvious, Tobi, you idiot." Deidara grumbled.

"I'm glad you're awake, Deidara-senpai." Tobi replied sincerely. Deidara winced, you could just _hear_ the cheerfulness in Tobi's voice.

"Tobi, it's _too early_ for this level of happy and pink and all that's freaking gay and girly, alright?" Deidara groaned and cracked his neck. "Ugh, so stiff. Doesn't my body _move_ when I'm sleeping or whatever?!?" he whined.

"You sleep like a dead man." Said Itachi from the doorway who yawned, still in nightclothes. "But just so you know, it's six in the evening. Had a good conversation with your boyfriend?"

"Yes." He replied, a vein under his eye twitching.

"Deidara, what did Sasori say?" Leader asked briskly, as he strode into the room, the remaining Akatsuki members trailing behind.

"He said that I was to stay in the Akatsuki and you would let me automatically regain my position or else he'd take over my body and blow up the cave because I need to find a living boyfriend among you people to replace him." Deidara said shortly, the vein still twitching. "And that if you touched his puppets, you'd die painfully."

"It would appear that now he's dead, he has no fears." Leader commented thoughtfully. "But at any rate, welcome back Deidara. And I do believe we'll need to set up some kind of blind date for you soon."

"Somebody kill me, please, yeah." Groaned the blonde from underneath his covers.

--

One year later

--

Deidara leaned against the back of Sasori's gravestone, ignoring the complaints of his Danna about disrespecting graves. Tobi stood away from him, picking flowers off trees and from the water to decorate the grave.

"No cherry blossoms, Tobi! Sasori-danna doesn't like them!" Deidara called. He returned to staring at the sky as the clouds collected.

--

--

_I'm gonna make you bend and break (it sent you to me without wings)  
Say a prayer, but let the good times roll_

_"**Hey, Sasori-danna, I wanna go look at that stall, un."**_

_"**Okay. Let's go. Are you going to buy anything?"**_

**  
**_In case God doesn't show_

_"**Deidara? Hey, are you here?"**_

_And I want these words to make things right  
But it's the wrongs that makes the words come to life_

**_You weren't there when he needed you… Don't you know? People need people. Or they'll implode._**

_Who does he think he is (if that's the worst you got better put your fingers back to the keys)I'm looking forward to the future_

**_All right. Let's go find them, un._**

_But my eyesight is going bad  
And this crystal ball  
It's always cloudy except for  
When you look into the past_

_"**With the puppets, I could pretend that they were there, that they were alive and that they could love me. But this happened when I was four and I could only live in this make believe world for all of two minutes. Then my chakra strings would break and I would be torn from my fantasy world."**_

_One night stand  
One night stand, OH!_

_They say I only think in the form of  
Crunching numbers in hotel rooms  
Collecting page six lovers  
Get me out of my mind_

_"**DAMMIT DEIDARA, YOU HAVE TO STOP RUNNING FROM REALITY! YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD AND YOU DOING THIS WILL NOT BRING THEM BACK TO LIFE!"**_

_Gets you out of those clothes  
I'm a line away from  
Getting you into the mood_

_One night and one more time_

"Hey, Tobi. Danna wanted me to tell you something. It's important so don't you ever forget, yeah?"

_Thanks for the memories_

"What, Deidara-senpai?"

_Even though they weren't so great_

"Okay, listen close, yeah? Sasori-danna told me this once."

He tastes like you only sweeter

"People need people, yeah? 'Cause in this world, the stress of living, the pressure of existing in this world, it's enough to crush a body. A mind. A person, you know? So you need people to help you to fill you, and support you from the inside out, yeah? To help bear the pressure of life 'cause no one can support themselves. People need people or else they'll implode."

"So no matter what, always make sure that there's people who are close to support you. And when they're too fragile to support you, then you need to support them first. When you do it, you make a connection; you share yourself. Therefore, you should never be selfish and hurt yourself or sacrifice yourself for someone else. You don't have the right because you'll never belong to just yourself."

_One night yeah one more time_

"For someone who managed to get themselves stuck in you of all people, Deidara-senpai, Sasori-san seems unexpectedly wise."

_Thanks for the memories_

"What's that supposed to mean, Tobi, yeah?!?"

_Thanks for the memories_

Tobi gave no reply, only removing his mask, moving closer so he could kiss the blonde.

_See he tastes like you only sweeter_

Sasori watched from the back of Deidara's mind, smiling and content that his Dei had found someone else. Someone who would never need to catch him when he fell because he'd be there to make sure that Deidara would never fall.

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The End

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Review please!

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